


Panic

by ShipItHard



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:39:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipItHard/pseuds/ShipItHard
Summary: It’s an easy day at work for Emma; mainly paperwork. She was just eager to get home; to Regina. They’d been an official couple for a little while now and she called the mini mansion on Mifflin Street home. Everyday is as incredible as the first she thinks to herself. The sound of her phone removing her from her thoughts.“We got a disturbance call from the Merry Men camp, I need you to come out with me.”“Be right there, Dad.”She hangs up the phone and dons her leather jacket like armor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through a rough patch in life and this work transpired because of it. Thanks for reading. Also, it probs could've been more than one chapter. Sorry.

It’s an easy day at work for Emma; mainly paperwork. She was just eager to get home; to Regina. They’d been an official couple for a little while now and she called the mini mansion on Mifflin Street home. Everyday is as incredible as the first she thinks to herself. The sound of her phone removing her from her thoughts.  
“We got a disturbance call from the Merry Men camp, I need you to come out with me.”  
“Be right there, Dad.”  
She hangs up the phone and dons her leather jacket like armor. Her magic, tingling underneath nervous fingers, that are drumming against the steering wheel.  
Forgot my refill yet again. Can’t tell Regina. She’ll be upset. Her lips pursed, shoulders taut. Disappointing stare. I hate that. Her thoughts were scattered and her body felt weary. She kept her face neutral and kept on driving. Just keep driving, Emma. You’ll be home soon.  
She turns into the parking spot and spies David leaning against his beat up truck. She walks up to him and he throws her a smile. She can hear shouts in the distance and her magic sparks to life.  
“They’ve been a little more rowdy lately. Wouldn’t you say?”  
She shrugs at him while heading down the path; he catches up quickly though. They were almost to the camp when an arrow comes out of the woods and Emma’s magic instinctively shields them. David quickly removes his sword and darts forward. If he had looked back before departing, he’d have stopped. There was Emma on the trail, her fingers splayed; light purple magic oozing from fingertips, dropping to pool at her feet. She was lost in the moment, her body numb but her mind racing. It was over in an instant and she suddenly surged forward; rage burning in her eyes. When she met up with David he was kneeling behind the brush line, his eyes darting from person to person. Their were several men in a circle; 4 quivered bows pointing down 4 other quivered bows. She continued her marching and when she passed her father he desperately tried to grab her wrist but, she stayed revenant.  
“What the fuck is going on here?!”  
The men looked at her astounded and soon all arrows were trained on her. David makes a cumbersome entrance through the bushes and comes to stand near her. He takes up a protective stance slightly in front of her and for a moment her anger falters and her magic flickers and then vanishes. She has the emotion for it, her anger still seething through gritted teeth, but there isn’t any heart behind it. The anger is only skin deep. She just wants to go home. David sees her magic leave and not return and his eyes grow in fear. Emma registers that she is unarmed and that she doesn’t care what happens now. The men, having witnessed these transgressions, are currently in the process of reacting to it. Their arms bringing the string back to tension, fingers lifting to notch the arrow, closing an eye and lining up their shot. She doesn’t even react as the arrows hit the air but, her magic is quick in pushing David away as he comes to shield her.  
My magic is purple? Regina. Oh God what am I doing? What is happening? This is wrong, wrong, wrong.  
Sluggishly her white magic starts to wrap around her but, it’s too late she’s already been hit. Her knees buckle and she falls onto the softness of dirt and mulch.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
When she finally comes to, she can’t open her eyes. She can however smell and she knows Regina is there, because she smells like apple pie in July, and she’s with her parents because David smells like the forest and Snow is like cinnamon. The smell is permeating around her, mingling, and it smells like belonging. She can hear Regina now; whispering in hushed tones.  
“Purple magic?” She sounded worried. “Like mine?”  
“No, it was a light purple.” David answered back. “Then it was gone and her white magic was back.”  
Now she could see and what she saw broke apart her heart. Her mother’s worried eyes staring blankly at the floor, her father’s slumped shoulders and Regina’s worried hands idling around her neck line.  
“Water.” She croaked. “Please.”  
Regina turned on a dime and her eyes were full of relief. She grasped quickly at Emma’s hand and the bed dipped as her mother sat beside her. Someone brought a straw to her lips and she drank with earnest. Regina’s free hand was stroking her hair and she could feel a warmth starting to spread within her.  
“We were so worried.”  
It was Snow. She had gathered Emma’s other hand into hers and kissed gently at the knuckles; Emma pulls away. She turns her head and an escaped tear makes it’s way down her cheek. She feels the weight beside her leave, the shifting of clothes and the click of a closing door. What she didn’t expect to hear was the snap of fingers. Whipping her head around she sees Regina situated neatly in a chair, a book propped against her bent knee.  
“Did you just magic in a chair from home?”  
“To be more specific it’s the chair you like, that sits in front of the fire.” Her voice holds no emotion. “Sue me if from time to time I steal your chair.”  
She turns a page and keeps her eyes lowered.  
“Regina. I’m so…”  
Then it was dirt meeting grass when she looked at Emma. She knew that look and she shut up.  
“You’ll tell me when you’re ready.” She turns another page. “Because I know you.”  
Emma was discharged three days later.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
Henry clasps onto her neck as soon as her foot hits the foyer of the mini mansion on Mifflin Street. It had been days since she’d seen him; he looked tired.  
“Mom said you needed some time alone. But, you’re home now.”  
Am I? The thought crept into her mind like shadows that come during sunset. She shook her head to clear her mind and Henry looked at her strangely.  
“Thanks for that, Kid. Just haven’t been feeling the best.” She kicks her boots into the corner and winces at the scuff marks left behind. “I’m gonna shower and I’ll be back down. Okay?”  
She ruffles his hair and makes her way up; two at a time. She hears Regina following behind her on stocking clad feet. She doesn’t turn around to acknowledge her and Regina doesn’t call out for her stop. She goes into their shared bathroom and locks the door behind her. She leans against it and lets out a shaky breath. She knows Regina is hovering just behind her; she can almost see her fiddling with the collar of her blouse. She stands and starts ridding herself of clothes. Pulling her shirt off she can smell the hospital seeping from her pores. She throws the offending items into the corner and catches a glimpse at herself in the mirror.  
Disappointment. That’s all you’ll ever be. She hits at her hips, pinches the tender flesh between nimble fingers. You don’t deserve her. Never. Never. Never.  
She claws at her own flesh, making it red with her worries. She turns on the water and steps into the spray without preparation. It’s cold like ice and her skin crawls as the iciness races down her body. Then it’s hot and it leaves her red; she wishes for her flesh to welt. As she scrubs her self, she can hear the door unlock and she can smell apples in the air, can feel Regina’s magic searching for hers. Then the door is being locked again and she can no longer feel the magic. She scrubs herself raw and steps out the shower. There are pajamas and underwear on the counter and she begrudgingly puts them on. She doesn’t find Regina hovering in their bedroom when she finally opens the door but, she does spot the hoodie Regina left behind for her. It used to be Henry’s, but he’s too big now. Emma pulls the neckline to her nose and inhales. She imagines it still smells like him. Not who he is now, but how he smelt before she let him go. She makes her way downstairs and forces herself to socialize. Regina still only speaks to her with half words and sideways glances. She leans into Henry as they watch TV and Regina quietly watches from Emma’s chair near the fire. Emma falls asleep with Henry’s arm around her.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
Emma’s been home for a week now; she’s still too timid. She hasn’t been to work and Regina doesn’t make her. They haven’t kissed in what’s felt like months and Emma knows that Regina’s heart aches for her. It’s in the glances over her coffee, her arms clinging during sleep, by that purple magic that clings to hers. Emma can’t help it. She doesn’t know why the words won’t come out. For her the days mold together with the nights and sometimes she’ll find herself somewhere she didn’t know she had gone to. That’s how Regina finds her, sitting behind the steering wheel of the bug at two in the morning, barefoot and only wearing sweat pants and that classic red leather jacket.  
“When did you get so lost, baby?”  
She’s resting against the open door and her hands are stroking Emma’s hair. She knows how she looks, because she can feel that sickness in her bones. She doesn’t cry but, a sob escapes her lips none the less. Regina doesn’t say another word. She merely holds onto Emma’s shoulder and magics them back to bed.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
It’s a couple days later and this time Regina finds Emma sitting outside their bedroom window, her thighs straddling each side of the sill; she’s calling out the moon. Regina approaches her on quivering feet and places a surprisingly steady hand on Emma’s shoulder. With her right hand on Emma’s shoulder, she reaches around with her left forcing Emma’s head to her chest. She just holds her till she comes back to her. Regina hums and she starts to feel Emma relax and wrap her arms around her. She was here; for now.  
A few days later she finds herself back on Hoppers couch, but this time Regina is at her side; holding her hand. She’s barely listening and only a few key words waft into her brain; depression, anxiety, suicide. She knows without looking that Regina’s face is grave and forlorn. She holds onto Regina tighter and rubs her fears into the back of her palm. She hears scratching, then the ripping of paper. Then Regina is up and she follows behind. They stop at the pharmacy and she waits in the car; fingers drumming against the dash.  
Regina doesn’t want me now. I’m broken. I’m damaged. Bad, bad, bad.  
She is shaken from her thoughts by the feel of Regina’s hand around her wrist. When she looks up into Regina’s eyes she sees only desperation and it makes her cry. She cries and wails and screams and hits at herself. Then she is enveloped in purple fog and finds herself wrapped against Regina in their bed. Like a child, Regina cradles her in her arms and rocks Emma to sleep.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
It’s nearing morning when Emma wakes up; Regina still asleep at her side. She walks on silent feet to the bathroom. She turns on the water and strips; noticing the bandage at her side. Sees the red seeping around the edges and feels it’s heat beneath her fingers. Tears stroll down her cheeks and she rips the bandages from her body. The wound looks foreign; a flaming divot bright against her pale flesh. Her fingers grasp at it as she is consumed by racking sobs. She smears the wetness of her blood around her body as she seeks out her other wounds. Purple magic mingles with the steam in the air. She’s screaming now and her breathing is rapid. Clawing at her throat she falls to her knees. Regina’s magic is creeping along the edges of hers; fighting back against it. Emma hears the door slam open and she turns towards it.  
“Regina!”  
It escapes her lips in a gasp; her mouth wide in panic. Regina’s arms wrap around her strongly and she can feel the silk of Regina’s pajamas against her back; the rustling as she rocked her.  
“I’m here my love.”  
She can feel their magic mingling; feel it seeping through her skin and into her bones. Her screams rip through the air and her body shakes uncontrollably. Regina has moved them to the shower; places Emma directly under the stream. The cold water is shocking and it leaves her gasping against the brunette. Emma can feel Regina’s mantra of “I’m here” float through her ears and wrap around her brain like a blanket; spreading it’s warmth into her limbs.  
“You’re real. You’re real.”  
Emma carves the words into Regina’s chest with her nails.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
Dripping silk is clenched in her fist and her sobs have almost stopped. They’re on the floor of the shower; Emma swaddled in Regina’s arms.  
“I’m here, my love.”  
“Why are you still here?” It comes out in shivers between closed teeth. “I’m no good for you, Regina.”  
She pushes at the older woman, trying and failing to put distance between them. But, Regina is steadfast in her resolve and Emma is still wrapped in her arms.  
“Because I love you.” She peppers the words with kisses on Emma’s head. “You can’t help being the way you are.”  
“But, I’m so fucked up.” She picks at her thighs, the flesh gone cold.  
With sudden momentum, Regina had lifted Emma to her feet and they now stood beneath the freezing spray.  
“We are both fucked up, Emma. But, that does not mean I would leave you. It means we take care of each other.”  
Emma stares blankly as Regina swipes a hand through dripping hair; droplets forming, then falling onto her pursed lips and sliding down reddened cheeks. Then Regina is against the wall, Emma’s clammy hand gripping her hip. They’re kissing as if possessed; lips moving of their own accord. Emma feels overcome with love; it shoots through her like a warming shot of whiskey.  
“I love you, Regina.” She runs her tongue along her jaw. “So, God damn much. Fuck.”  
“Em-ma.” The name pops like gum against Regina’s lips. “Mmmm..Baby”  
Now there’s a leg wrapped around Emma’s hip and fingers tugging at her hair. Then Regina is putting her leg down and she instinctively backs away.  
“No. No. Fuck!” Regina reaches for her; the blood dripping from her palms.  
The sight causes Emma to stop and look down at herself. The offending liquid drips from her still open wounds and new sobs wrack her body. Regina, after turning the water off, pulls Emma from the shower and encases her in a towel. She helps dry Emma, then rids herself of her wet clothes. When Emma drops her towel and steps forward, she is again enveloped in Regina’s arm. Then with a puff of smoke they’re back in bed and there is a since of calm in the air. Purple magic seeps from Regina, out of her fingers and with ragged breathe over her lips. She kisses it onto her face and runs it along her stomach. It seems to fill the empty spaces inside of Emma and it takes her breathe away. A calmness takes over and she finally drifts into sleep.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
It’s been a month since the panic inside of her shrunk and Emma feels almost regular. The first week saw Emma repenting to Regina about all her wrong doings and getting back on track with her medicine. Regina surprised her the second week by coming home with marijuana edibles; which she insisted were for emergencies. Then by the third week Emma came out of the house to explain to her parents what had happened. This week she started back at work, smiling brightly at the amass of paperwork needing to be done. David pats her on the back as she passes by and she swears she can feel his love around her. She sits at her desk and gets to work.


End file.
